Unfulfilled Dreams & Desires

In the face of long-term physical suffering and the unpredictableness that a life of chronic illness and disease brings with it, how do you handle the reality of dreams and desires maybe never coming to fruition? What do you do with unfulfilled hopes and longings?

Oh friend, I know this deep ache, this grief, the longings of a heart with so many desires and dreams and the continual delaying of those longings. You see so many around you walking in the fulfillment of their dreams, and you don’t know if “it” (fill in the blank) will ever happen for you. Oh, I know this pain.

It is such a point of surrender–over and over and over. A being stripped of everything you are and have, and standing before the Lord saying “my life is Yours to do with as You will”. I have so many dreams and longings — some of them years and years waiting and unfulfilled…and I have to daily surrender them, the un-fulfillment of them, the ache. And ultimately, my life is not my own anymore, and my over-arching desire and longing for my life is to glorify Him and tell of His goodness every day with every aspect of my being. That is what it means to have a new life in Christ — to trade my name for His. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me.

It’s a daily surrender. And it’s okay to have to daily surrender…every single day. Our hopes and dreams must be constantly spread before Him with open hands as we abide in Him, deny ourselves, and continue to take up our crosses and follow Him.

Let it draw your eyes to God, in trust.

It’s a painful thing, I don’t deny that. And it’s okay to acknowledge that there’s a pain and a grief in what may never be. But let it be a lament, a godly grieving that turns your heart toward Him in your pain rather than a wallowing that turns your mind and heart to self-pity. Talk to God about your pain, and entrust Him with your grief, your life, your sickness, your emotions, your dreams, your desires, your every moment. Choose to turn to Him, and choose to trust Him — especially with something so vulnerable and near and dear to you as the deepest longings and fears of your heart. He is not afar off, but He is near and here, and He knows what it is to feel what you’re feeling.

Yes, there’s a lament for what isn’t and for what may never be, but there is joy in His presence — and if we are abiding in Him, then we can face our unmet dreams and desires with hope and joy in Christ. Because, truly, He us our ultimate fulfillment — not those dreams and desires. We have our fulfillment right now.

IS Jesus enough?

I have to often stop and ask myself: “Grace, are you wanting to find fulfillment in dreams and desires come to fruition? Do you need those things AND Jesus? Or is Jesus enough?” 

It isn’t wrong to have dreams and desires, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t walking in surrender if those dreams and desires don’t go away, but if you want those longings and hopes and dreams MORE than you want Jesus, and if you aren’t willing to let go of them — maybe even forever — if He were to ask that of you, then that’s where there is an issue. The dreams themselves aren’t the issue (if they’re good and right and appropriate!), it’s when we place them higher and more important than the Lord. It’s when Jesus isn’t enough for us that we need to fall on our faces before Him, repent of that idolatry, and walk in moment-by-moment surrender.

Jesus only, Jesus ever, Jesus always. All for Him, I surrender.

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