Challenge to Myself: How Joyful Can My Dependence Look?

Can you really be truly joyful while having severe chronic pain? Is your joy REAL or is it just…a show? Can happiness be a thing while facing a debilitating progressive disease?

I think so, yes!

“When we arrive at the end of our own strength it is not defeat, but the start of tapping in to God’s boundless resources. It is when we are weak that we are strong in God.”

Brother Yun

I’ve gone downhill again pretty bad physically and haven’t been able to be active online much at all. It’s been a time of taking one hour at a time and doing what I can and not forcing things if I simply can’t do them, surrendering everything to the Lord, and knowing that, in light of eternity, my sufferings are only for a moment–and though suffering is never small, GOD is greater. Always and ever.

God is greater.

My pains and limitations and inability to sometimes even care for myself in basic ways (this week I came as close as I’ve come to almost needing help showering and getting dressed) …these things drive me to Him. They’re a chance to die to myself daily, to surrender (even my “good” or “reasonable” desires), to take up my cross and follow Him. And as I follow Him, I want to challenge myself to see how joyful my dependence can be. Not in a fake overly-cheerful “put on” sort of way.

But in a “we should live life to the fullest with what we are given. We should learn to see His grace and find joy wherever we are” (Risner) sort of way.

…in an “in His presence is FULLNESS OF JOY” sort of way.

“And as I follow Him, I want to challenge myself to see how joyful my dependence can be.

I’m thankful that He knows my future and my days.

I’m thankful that He goes before me and that HE lights my path. I’m thankful that He knows best. And, goodness, I’m so thankful that He works all things for GOOD. Even what the enemy means for evil—GOD turns it to good! Do I even fully grasp how incredible this is? Probably not. But the inkling I have blows me away!

What are some practicals for my challenge, my goal, of “how joyful can my dependence be?”

• Have plans ready ahead of time for when things hit out of the blue. For instance, I used to try to have verses or passages of scripture that I would go to when I was really having a hard time or when I was feeling the mental battle against discouragement was exceptionally intense. But…it’s hard to actively go FIND those verses when you’re in the midst of the battle. So now I have them written out specifically in easy to access places. And that’s my turn-to when the battle is most intense–or even when I feel it just barely coming on. I try to be offensive against the attacks, rather than trying to get myself pulled back together after I’m already a wreck.

• Surround myself in truth. Soak my days in truth. Speak truth to myself. All day long and out loud if I need to. While the tears are coursing down my face. While I’m curled up in the fetal position under the down comforter. If the lies are coming hard and fast, I have a few specific people I can turn to to text or make a phone call. My mom is specifically someone that I can call in those hard moments if I need someone on the outside to speak truth to me when I can’t speak it to myself. But I know that I need to have truth surrounding me. All day, every day. And it’s a choice I have to make to make that happen.

• There are questions I routinely ask myself throughout my day–I have some of them posted various places in my journal, in my bedroom, etc. Things like:
  • “Grace, is Jesus enough? Right now, in this moment, is He enough for you?”
  • “Are you taking every thought captive?”
  • “Is it well with your soul?”
  • “Are you walking this season well?”
  • “How can you take this situation/circumstance/moment/hour/day/pain/issue/fill-in-the-blank and surrender it to God? How can you know Him more because of it?”
  • “Are you falling on Him in your weakness? Or are you merely…falling?”
  • “Are your circumstances dictating your faith and trust in God? …or is His unfailing faithfulness your standard?”
  • “Are you ‘counting it all joy’ when you fall into various trials?”

• Write. Have good books always on hand (and a backup list of books to add to your stash when you run out). Listen to audio books. Plan out playlists of good uplifting, inspiring music to turn on at any given time. Paint. Draw. Do whatever it takes to gather inspiration on the hard days. Drink coffee or tea and lots and lots of water.

• Find ways to pour out into other people’s lives. Take your misery and make it a ministry.
  • Write letters.
  • Have lists made up on Amazon and randomly send little “out-of-the-blue” gifts to people — other people with chronic illness OR just random people in life!
  • Make people laugh. It’s one of my favorite things to do. It brings such life to my own heart and it just makes other people’s day brighter. I like to send little texts randomly to people with humorous stories or gifs or jokes or pictures…just things to make them laugh.
  • Have a prayer list and very specifically pray for people. Text them throughout the week and ask how they’re doing and how you can be praying for them. Be specific and pointed about your praying — don’t just casually say “yeah, I’ll pray for you!” and then don’t. This is something I find so easy to do…and I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a prayer warrior — even if I can’t get out of bed, I can still fight in prayer for people.
  • Be willing to let people come sit with you — in your living room or even on the corner of your bed — and listen to their hearts. It can be a hard thing sometimes to let people come to you when you’re in pain and not looking your best and you just want to curl up and be alone in your misery. I have to pointedly choose to open my doors to people sometimes. Let them come, let them talk, let them pour their hearts out, hear how the Lord is working in their lives, encourage each other. It’s such a beautiful thing to have fellowship.

It can feel cliche. It can sound “too simple.” But I think it’s doable, and I want to give it a shot. Because the Bible says “in everything give thanks” and “rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.” And if the Bible says it, I think it can be done.

It doesn’t mean I don’t or won’t ever cry. It doesn’t mean I’m smiling and laughing at every moment of the day. But it means that if I hit the rumble strip, I need to correct — not let my car keep going off the road and have a pity-party out in the field. It means if I hit a pot-hole, I take note and take the necessary precautions to not hit that pot-hole again. It means my soul-position is one of faith and trust and humility before the King of kings — knowing that I have nothing and He is everything. HE is enough. HE is my strength — because I certainly have none.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”

James 1:2-6 [emphasis added]

Let me know if you have any ways that you stay focused in the midst of intense trials.

Do you have specific verses that are your go-to helps? Songs that lift your soul and eyes to the Savior? People you call to help you out of the mire of discouragement and depression? I’d love if you’d share any tips, encouragements, or wisdom you have! <3

Happy weekend, friends.
Grace

PS: One last tip: If someone offers to get you out of the four walls of your house/bedroom and take you on a drive to the mountains, say yes. If at all possible, say yes. Mountains are good for the soul. I’ll stake a claim on that. 😉